A 6-year-old writes a diary to convey things to her mother that she cannot directly tell her. While the mother also writes in the same diary the things she wants to tell her daughter. Read how this unique way of communication has built trust in this family. The entire communication happens by slipping the note under each other's pillow.
US: This Mom Reveals She Reads Her Daughter's Diary
Kristin Hallett, a mom in Kelowna British Columbia, Canada said that reading each other's diary entries maintains healthy communication with her daughter. She has maintained a tradition of writing a diary full of confessions that the mother-daughter duo want to tell each other. They communicate things that cannot be said out loud and keep the notes under each other's pillow.
Even after reading the confessions, the duo do not discuss them out loud to maintain their trust in each other. Hallett took to Instagram to share how communal diary writing is. “the most brilliant way to fuse a bond with your daughter.”
in interaction with TODAY.com, Hallet said that she was inspired by another mom-daughter duo and their “exquisite” communication. A writer and speaker specializing in grief, Hallett said, “There is a level of autonomy and sovereignty in whatever (she) writes, which is magical.”
In fact, in the reel, Hallett says that the diary helps the daughter convey things that she is afraid of directly telling her mother. Hallett too responds not by scolding her but by slipping a note under her pillow.
How do the mother and daughter communicate their feelings?
Hallett also believes that writing diaries is one of the best ways to regain the trust that is broken between parents and kids. Hallett tries to write diary entries phonetically so that her daughter can understand. In fact, Hallett shares that journaling helps her produce a calm and organized response.
Being a 6-year-old, Hallett's daughter writes in a simplistic tone. However, Hallett believes that this is a strong foundation for her teenage years. She has decided to follow the same tradition with her 5-year-old daughter.
Talking further about the diary entries, Hallett said, “I feel so lucky because I'll get pictures and 'I love you' messages. We're getting into the routine and (creating) a safe space for now.”
Hallett said, “My youngest daughter tells me everything and my eldest doesn't at all — she internalizes more.” So she believes that journaling is the best way to foster healthy communication between parents and kids and siblings.
However, she also admits that sometimes it is difficult to put down everything in words. But she believes that “Generally, from my understanding, 'The bigger the kid, the bigger the problems. I'm setting the foundation for when my kids are teenagers.”
Advice from an expert who researched the impact of journaling
Francyne Zeltser who conducted a study on the impact of journaling on communication at Manhattan Psychology Group said that journaling is the best tool to maintain communication. He told TODAY.com, “What I particularly like is that the diary provides a platform for the parent and child to exchange information in a safe and secure way.”
He further added, “It allows the child to communicate directly with the parent without the fear of a negative reaction and allows the parent to consume the information and react privately, as sometimes it's hard to hide or modify a reaction in the moment.”
Zelster also said that after reading the confessions of their kids, parents can decide how to address the issue—whether directly talking to them or by writing back to them.
Giving a suggestion to all the parents, Zelster said, “I would build in a rule that outlines a contingency of how an actual conversation can be initiated and held,” she says. “Therefore if or when a topic comes up that requires an actual conversation, both parties know how to initiate the follow-up conversation in a safe, validating and acceptable way.”
